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By NANCY RUBIN DEC. SOME men and women married soon after high school or college. Others continued to date for another decade before saying ''I do. Whatever their story, the number of Connecticut residents fairfield county dating in their middle years has become increasingly visible in the last decade. Figures from the Federal Bureau of the Census indicate that the number of Americans who divorced between the ages of 40 and 54 dounty represented nearly 14 percent of the population, up from 11 percent a decade earlier.

While the overall divorce rate dtaing Connecticut has declined slightly sinceofficials, lawyers and behaviorists attribute much of the rise in mid-life founty to the social and economic changes of the last three decades. While balancing child-rearing and work comes into play as before, the issues around divorce are changing.

In the past, disgruntled middle-aged husbands often left faiefield wives for younger women. Fairfield county dating today more women fairfield county dating also striking out. If they're unhappy, they begin wondering 'Do I want to spend the next 20, 30 or 40 years with this person? I'm fairfield county dating and I'm still attractive. Maybe I can find somebody better'.

Another factor is the changing view of divorce itself. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and the author of ''Anatomy of Love: The Natural History of Monogamy, Adultery and Divorce'' Fawcett, But today those who are single tairfield mid-life often look for a new mate. Despite apparent new acceptance of those who are divorced in mid-life, however, many middle-aged single Connecticut residents claim they are an invisible, or at times, even unwelcome population.

A newly fairfirld man is a pariah. No one wants to invite him to a dinner party. One of the most painful aspects of midlife divorce is the loss of the old social networks. Fairfield county dating don't faigfield that much in common fairfield county dating said Kathy Kurzatkowski of Fairfield. Some people noted that the isolation they felt after divorce was far worse in Connecticut's exurban communities than in its cities.

After my online dating aziz ansari, some friends continued to include me. But unless you connected with a new man very quickly, you become a fifth datng she said. Kloss got a teaching job in Milford and moved to Westport -- a community, she said, where ''there were many singles and more opportunities to meet them. Added to invisibility is economic duress -- particularly for divorced women, many of whom remain in suburban or exurban areas to provide safe environments and good schools for their children.

Brett of the Status of Women commission. Many divorced women ''are left with a house that's difficult to afford. As a result there are hidden pockets of poverty everywhere, including Fairfield County,'' Ms. A study jointly published by the Connecticut Women's Education and Legal Fund, the Permanent Commission cpunty the Status of Fairfield county dating and the Women's Research Institute of Hartford College for Women found that the mean per capita income of Connecticut counfy following divorce dropped 16 percent fairfield county dating that of divorced men increased by 23 percent.

National studies support the finding. A June study published in the American Sociological Review indicated that a woman's fairfield county dating standard of living decreased by 27 percent while that of a divorced man rose by 10 percent. Several sociological factors contribute to the disparity. To begin with, Ms. Brett said, there is farfield a 25 percent wage gap between the earnings of men and women.

Simultaneously, the vast dzting of divorced women retain custody of their children and shoulder a disproportionate share of the child-care expenses. If you do the math, women and kids come up with fewer resources,'' said Ms. Moreover, many middle-aged and older women today took time out from their jobs to care for children as well as for elderly fairfield county dating of their families.

Those lost years in the work force place women at a disadvantage. Nerenberg, the matrimonial lawyer. One of those women is Lynn Vating, a Fairfirld mother of three, who has three part-time jobs. Some people point out that income discrepancies between middle-aged men and women are only part of the problem both partners face in the post-divorce years. Often, they don't have a ready framework for replacing those networks.

They don't know how to get invited to dinner parties or how to host them. And that's especially true in places like Fairfield County, which is very focused on couples and fairfield county dating life. Others maintain that dating is difficult for middle-aged women. That, in turn, leaves her with fewer choices. Moreover, divorced men tend to remarry more quickly. Many Connecticut men who work in Manhattan return to live in the city, further shrinking available numbers.

According to figures from the Bureau of the Census, there aredivorced men living in Connecticut compared todivorced women. View all New York Times newsletters. In several Connecticut communities singles' groups have been created through local churches, community centers and individual enterpreneurs. Westport Singles, established 21 years ago in that community's Unitarian Church, was designed as a meeting place for fairfie,d who were unattached and reluctant to visit, say, coutny bars.

Don Smith, president of the group, said it's ''a place to have fun, to talk to people in a friendly way, to mix in a comfortable and casual fairfield county dating, and where it's possible to meet someone romantically. The group, which sponsors weekly activities ranging fairfiield discussion datinh, dances and hikes to gourmet and theater clubs and weekend camping trips, has members on its mailing list. It is still housed in the Unitarian Church but has become a separate fxirfield that offers programs throughout Fairfield County.

Some members, like Helen Fairfield county dating, a mother of two and a marketing director from Fairfield, said that Westport Singles was a catalyst that enabled her firfield fairfield county dating a new social life. Other members, like Dan Castiglia, believe that it is no more challenging to be a single in suburbia than in Manhattan. In fact, it may even be fairfield county dating. Nevertheless, even as divorced middle-aged people have become more common, Westport Singles' membership has dwindled from its peak ddating the 's of 4, to its current membership of justnow often divided between a 21 to 35 age category and those who are over


Center for Women and Families