The Duggars' 7 rules of courtship: 'Love is in the air' (but no kissing)

8 Simple Rules for Dating a Duggar Daughter

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are masters of breeding, and their abundant litter of children are taking after them as best duggar dating advice they can. Say what you will about the ultra-conservative, ultra-huge brood, but one thing is pretty clear: They're good at what they do, which is procreating and repressing sexual urges, and covering up their son, Josh Duggar 's, sexual molestation proclivities and incest habits to authorities. This Arkansas state trooper, Joseph Hutchens, later went to prison for child pornography charges.

Tell me there's not something much more sinister going on in this family. Still, it's all good though, because Josh Duggar apologized for something that, duggr to him, duggsr could have ruined his life. That's what really matters. That and getting all that sex off TV via the Family Research Council, adbice which he just resigned, because sex in the media is clearly what drives people to sin and molest their sisters.

Not, you know, being raised in a family that prides itself on reproduction and repression and basically forbids a woman from saying no. Advife put on your most modest dress, spray your hair like it's and get ready to get duggar dating advice. CC your parents on all of your text messages. Have A LOT of sex. But not til you're married.

Though most modern women would duggar dating advice up faster than a teardrop on the surface of the sun at the duggar dating advice of having sex with someone named "Jim Bob," Michelle Duggar insists, "Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love. You always need to be available when he calls.

Now we can hug! Only side-hugs are permitted until your wedding day, because going chest-to-chest can create too much temptation. Look at that lascivious wink — she probably even let him cop a feel. Be fruitful and multiply. This is an especially good rule udggar those of you with reproductive issues, who hate kids, and who rely on public assistance to make ends meet.

A parent is to chaperone all your dates. This is to prevent "grave moral danger. Never, ever read '50 Shades Of Grey. In the case of Duggar dating advice James' tomes, the poor writing makes them also produce unintentional hilarity and a lot of cringing for anyone duggar dating advice a third grade reading level. Never, ever drink booze. Even if you need booze to make being chaperoned by your parents on a date in your 20s or the thought of having near-constant sex with a man named "Jim Bob" bearable, don't go anywhere near alcohol.

You can't dance, either. Dancing produces "sensual feelings," and despite having to be available for sex whenever a man duggar dating advice two first names wants it, you can't get jiggy with it to get yourself in the mood. Because that's sinful and bad. Almost as bad as the phrase "get jiggy with it. Always be modest, even when he's already seen you naked.

Because your body belongs only to your husband and to God. Definitely not to you. Especially not your uterus. You can never go to the beach. The Dugfar think their sons will have too hard a time averting their eyes from women in bikinis. Does this mean they can't get Sears catalogs either? Halloween will send you straight to Hell. The Duggars claim that Halloween is "part of a demonic realm God wants us to stay away from. View More Galleries Click to view 12 images. You won't BELIEVE How Much These 10 Celebs REALLY Weigh.

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