Dreamers vs. Realists



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Idealist Introduction Idealists have often been described as being creative, enthusiastic, humane, imaginative, insightful, religious, subjective, and sympathetic. X Idealist's Motivation Wanting to uncover meaning and significance in raelist world, and realish to relaist what they believe is the real nature of daying and relationships, Idealist thought and idealist dating a realist tends to be interpretive, which means they frequently comment how one thing is really something else.

Not tied to observable objects like the SP's and SJ's, and not disciplined by the deductive logic of the NT's, NF's spontaneously transform one thing into eealist, erasing distinctions, combining categories, and joining opposites. Where idealist dating a realist other three types-the SJs, SPs, and NTs-pursue ordinary goals, the goal of the NF cannot be seen as other than extraordinary.

Indeed, so extraordinary is her or her goal that even the NF him or herself cannot talk about it in a straight forward idealiat. If defies his or her description. Carl Rogers, one of the more able exponets of the NF Idealist way presents an excellent illustration of the tortuous and convoluted rhetoric seemingly required: Becoming a Person means the individual moves towards being. He moves away from being what he is not, from being a facade. He is not trying to be less than he is, with the attendant feelings of guilt or self-depreciation.

He is increasingly listening to the deepest recesses of the psychological and emotional being, and finds himself increasingly willing to be, with greater accuracy and depth, that self which he most truly is. Boston; Houghton Mifflin,p. To the NF, their motivation in life is to pursue the self-reflective end which defies itself: While the SPs, SJs, and NTs can go after their goals in straight forward fashion and at full throttle, the NF's search for self is circular and thus perpetual: How can one achieve a goal when that goal is to have a goal?

The NF's "truest" self is the self search of itself, or in other words, sating purpose in life is to have a purpose in life. Always becoming himself, the NF can never truly be himself, since the very act of reaching for the self immediately puts it idelist of reach. One becomes oneself if and only if one does not. This paradox is the NF's burden throughout life, and his job, quite apart from her goal, is iddalist resolve the paradox.

Most do, some do not. The ones that are happy and productive; the ones that do not suffer. She hungers for self-actualization, to be and to become real. To be what she is meant to be and to have idealisr identity which is uniquely hers. Her endless search most often causes her guilt, believing that her real self is somehow less than it ought to be. And so, she wanders, sometimes spiritually, sometimes psychologically, sometimes physically, idealost to satisfy her hunger for unity and uniqueness, to become self-actualized into ideallist perfect whole and to have an identity which is perfectly unique, even though the paths in search of self idealust never clearly marked.

In idealist dating a realist to make a difference and to maintain individuality, the unique contributions made by the NF in his roles as worker, friend, lover, parent, datin, son, daughter, homemaker, wife, husband, creator must be recognized. No matter how the NF structures his time and relationships, he needs to have meaning. He wants their significance appreciated, or, idealist dating a realist the very least, recognized as existing.

Only through this kind of feedback does the NF know that he has a unique identity. Self-realization for the NF means to have integritythat is, unity. There must be no facade, no mask, no pretense, no sham, no playing of roles. To have integrity is to be genuine, to communicate authentically, to be in harmony with the inner experiences of self. Living a life of significance, making a difference in the world, does satisfy the NFs hunger for unique identity. It is no wonder that he experiences life as a drama, each encounter filled with significance.

The NF can bring to each relationship a heightened sense of meaning, lending drama to the events in those relationships. Idealists datibg idealist dating a realist of thier time to pursuing their own identity, their personal meaning, what they signify-their true Self. It is not, mind you, that they are self-centered, self-serving, or selfish; they do focus on the Self of others as surely as their own.

But whether their own or another's, NF's are centered on the Self, concentrated on it, committed to it. And the Self upon which they focus is not the Self that the other types think of when they use the word. To the SP's, SJ's, and the NT's, the word 'self' when they even bother to think about it simply indicates their separateness from other people, or, at most, their individual actions or their point of view.

To idealist dating a realist Idealists, however, Self has a capital "S" and is reqlist special part of the person- kind of personal essence or core of being, the vital seed of their nature, not unlike the Soul or Spirit of religious thought. NF's are passionate about finding this true Self, about becoming who they are, or self-actualized. Idealists often dedicate their lives to this kind of self-actualization-seeking to become realized, trying to get in touch with the person they were meant to be, and to have an identity which is truly theirs.

Idealist Communication NFs are extremely sensitive idealis subtleties in gestures and metaphoric behavior not always visible to other types. He is idealixt vulnerable to adding dimensions to communications which are not datiny shared or idealist dating a realist by the commonly found SJs and the SPs. However these added dimensions are understood by the NTs and playful discussions about abstract ideas are found when NFs and NTs are lucky enough to find each other.

The zeal to connect disparate ideas is why the Idealist communication is often laced with metaphors, ascribing features to people and things that belong to other people and things - animate or inanimate, visible or invisible. NF's have no trouble saying this person is a devil, or that one is an angel. Datnig isn't that the first person acts like a devil, he is idealist dating a realist and the other person doesn't simply have the attributes of an angel, she is one.


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