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Exploitation And Dating In Recovery

Group Home Page A. Step Work Board - A Step each week! Online Meeting Schedules Music to Enjoy while here! Alcoholics Anonymous Group Message Board. Tuesday and Saturday Nites at 9Pm Eastern Time! Message to Newcomers About the 13th Step betterthanyesterday52 MIP Old Timer Status: When I started Dating newcomers in aa this last time, I was extremely insecure, self-conscious and as so many alcoholics are by the time they get into AA, beaten down.

I felt like crap, looked like crap and kept my head down for months and months not wanting to face anyone. After I had been attending meetings for a couple of months, I had some male members start to compliment me, flirt with me and some were interested in dating me. I was very flattered, and allowed all this to feed my ego because I thought the drinking had played a number on my looks.

The age range of grand falls new brunswick dating men I would say is late 30's to 70's. I liked this attention from men. A fter I had more time in AA and had researched and found they even have a name for this-- 13th Stepping, I realized that this was nothing to be flattered about at all. I am friendly, but not too friendly around men, where it can be misinterpreted that I have an interest in them. I always hold my head up now and always sit in the front-- not in the back, as well as I am very active in AA, and I am not as vulnerable as I used to be.

Most of these men have not bothered me anymore. One particular one is still interested. This started months ago and he hasn't given up. I have put up with it and have just tried to avoid him as much as possible. He doesn't come to as many meetings which I attend. Last night he did. After the meeting, I passed by him and two other men he was talking to and he made one of his inappropriate comments to me--right in front of those men.

For the first time, I didn't put up with it. I stopped, turned around, pointed a finger at him and told him in a dating newcomers in aa firm voice that I was going to have to have a talk with him because I am not that new in AA anymore. I wasn't joking and by the look on my face he knew it. And he got a look on his face like he had been smacked. I have more dating newcomers in aa respect and more confidence than I used to and I feel I don't have to put up with this kind of crap anymore and by not doing anything before last night, realized I may have been encouraging his behavior.

So that's my part in it. It is all over the internet. I guess despite being sober and working the Steps, there are some folks who are still needy and have the desire to prove it to themselves that they are desirable When someone with some sobriety time dating newcomers in aa their belt comes up to you, the newcomer under a year of sobriety dating newcomers in aaand asks you out or says sexual and other remarks that make you feel uncomfortable they are 13th Stepping. In Dating newcomers in aa, it is suggested that newcomers wait at least a year before getting into a serious relationship.

These 13th Stepping oldtimers are fully aware of it--they just don't care about your sobriety. It's up to you to care. By that time, dating newcomers in aa mind is clearer, you hopefully have worked or dating newcomers in aa working the steps and you are better able to make rational decisions. Before that time, if you do get into a relationship and something happens, such as a breakup, it can cause you to want to drink again. I am in my early 50's and have been amazed at the number dating newcomers in aa people who have hit on me since I walked into the rooms.

Although I am not one, I have been old enough to be a "Grandma". I have had a partner with me most of the time and it hasn't stopped people from approaching me when I am not sitting or standing near him. If they have done it to me, I wonder how much more they do it to younger women and ones who are by themselves. I am going to keep a watchful eye out for female newcomers and without mentioning names, will make them aware of the 13th Step. It is a shame that that "step" even exists. Since it does I feel if I can at least make other women aware of it, it may help.

I noticed one very attractive something woman who was attending meetings for a short while. The men flocked all around her. She stopped attending meetings. Maybe it had nothing to do with what I am talking about and she is going to other meetings and is still sober. I have wondered though if dating newcomers in aa felt intimidated and stopped coming because of it, though.

Oh, and it is not just men who are guilty of 13th Stepping--as there are some women who do it as well. We can be excessively "needy" as well. And I have seen another word used to describe a "13th Stepper", it is "Predator". In this area today? The boys watch over the boys Seems to work well. Fellowship for a long time, but have never worked the Program. Sitting in a folding chair for a number of years doesn't change anyone's heart and mind. Every newcomer should be dating newcomers in aa to feel safe in Alcoholics Dating newcomers in aa.

It's when any one tries to take advantage of the vulnerabilities of another for personal gain. Be it sexual, dating newcomers in aa, or whatever. A man, with multiple years sobriety 13 stepped when his wife of 12 years relapsed The Vultures speed dating utica ny in on these folks.

Sometimes I have seen it be the newcomer that is doing the 13 stepping. Great 'heads-up' post there John My wife recently went to AA. I had stuck by her side after 10 yrs of alcoholism ruined whatever intimacy we had together. I begged her to quit, and protected her from hitting rock bottom my mistake in hindsight. She finally quit when I threatened divorce.

She went through outpatient treatment, which required joining AA. How's that for a "thank you very much"? PM me and I'll give you more details to validate the story. What a great organization you have AA! The fact that there aren't more threads warning females of dating newcomers in aa predominant behavior tells me that this post will be deleted by the mod. BTW, google AA predator You can blame 'all of AA', but the truth is that A the people in AA freely provide information and cautions about any number of things that people in AA should be careful about, and this is one of them.

It's certainly not kept under wraps. It's spoken about openly in meetings and among AA members.


Julie M. - AA Speaker - (This talk will bring you to tears!)